At Long Last

I know, I know it has been much too long. I won't make excuses I just got out of the habit of sharing my journey. So here we go again I am putting an effort out to be more consistent and and a better updater for the 3.4 of you who read this, 2.4 of which are directly related to me.
I want to relate to you 3.4 how much I have learned since I last posted almost a year ago. I will most likely post many times before I can truly say I have captured the journey I have been on since then.
As faithful followers (ha ha ha) will know I have had a lifelong battle with my weight. I roller coaster up and down and up again. I am on the lookout for the ANSWER to the huge secret of how thin people do it. To tell you the truth there is nothing you can tell me about weight gain/loss I don't know. I know how it works, I know how many calories are in everything and how much I can burn in an hour at zumba. So if information is not my problem what is?
A year ago I began seeing Abby, I call her my trainer but life coach is probably more accurate. After the birth of my daughter Madeleine (the Madi) my weight had ballooned to an unimaginable 230lbs. Just looking at that number makes me cringe. I had managed to lose some of the weight but mostly I had just yo-yoed my way a little lighter. My life was great I was a mother to a gifted two year old, my husband is a saint a gift sent from heaven. I was being fulfilled in my ministry calling but I felt God nudging me to confront some of the things in me that were broken. I knew I needed help.
Abby began by teaching me to "eat clean" I could talk about this forever since it has been the answer for me in terms of nutrition, but this post is about something very different.
Abby and I came together and initially I lost weight because I loved eating clean it seemed like the ANSWER. But I forgot my issue was not with knowledge, then what was it. As weeks went by and I began to plateau I became more and more frustrated why was I determined to self destruct. I would do well and then sabotage myself. I would say no no no and then one HUGE YES. I was out of control. As Abby and I sat in my kitchen with a cup of tea and I cried she said something a normal trainer would not.
"Anita we have been focusing on nutrition and exercise for weeks, but there is more than simply those two things going on here. I think we need to set those two aside and focus on your spiritual life for a few weeks."
"what does that have to do with anything?" I asked I figured all I needed was to be more disciplined to exert more control over myself and then I would be able to conquer this thing on my own.
She challenged me that I needed to find a bible study or program that could help me to begin to tackle some of the issues I was facing. I questioned in my mind whether such a thing even existed. If the ANSWER was out there I would know about it. She left and I simply said to God " I don't know where to look for this thing I am supposed to do so You better just drop it in my lap." That was Tuesday
Wednesday Nothing
Thursday Nothing in fact I forgot completely that I was supposed to be looking for anything.
Friday my mom comes home from a speaking engagement and invites me and The Madi over for tea and toast on the deck. It is truly unseasonably warm for March and we drink our tea and bask in the sun as we chat about her trip and various other stuff. Mom wants to someday turn her books into a study with an accompanying DVD set for ladies groups. I think it is a great idea.
She says "At the event where I was there were other people also speaking and so I went to one of the presenters tables and just grabbed one of her sets of DVD, participants guide and book. The thing is I don't really have time to do the study and learn how to put one of these things together. I am already doing a devotional study and I am just entering my busy season of speaking. Would you mind just doing this study and watching the DVD and letting me know some of the tricks and how it works."
I'm a stay at home mom so I can carve out down time when I need to as long as I don't mind being interrupted 80 times so I agree to glance through the study and promising to report back I shove it in my purse.
Saturday Nothing
Sunday recall I am supposed to be looking for something spiritual to do. I get a little annoyed at God since he was supposed to drop it in my lap. Still Nothing.
Monday panic!!! Abby comes tomorrow I have found nothing. Mom texts to see how the study I'm supposed to be doing is going...oops fish study out of bottom of HUGE purse I carry that doubles as diaper bag and all purpose travel bag.
I grab a cup of tea put the Madi down for a nap and put in the DVD, for the first time I glance at the title of the book in my hands MADE TO CRAVE; Satisfying Your Deepest Desire With GOD, Not FOOD by Lysa Terkeurst.
I call mom tell her the whole story of Abby and the challenge of my prayer and His answer in my purse. She says "Neen (my longtime nickname) The thing is when I went to her table to buy a set I didn't even look that was literally the only one she had left."