Run run run

I'm signed up for a half marathon on February 23. It sounded like a great idea when we registered. Then it seemed scary but doable when we bought plane tickets to California. Now I just want to curl up in a ball and cry till the 24th. Soon after I began to train 20 weeks to the race, I would run 3 miles and then my feet would go numb. After another mile they would start to hurt and then after another mile the pain would be sooooo bad that I would not even be able to walk. I bought new shoes, new socks, changed my running habits, pain pain pain. I needed to be able to run more than 3 miles about 10 more than that actually. Finally after Christmas I was diagnosed with Morton's Metatarsalgia. It's an issue with the ball of both my feet. The short version is I don't have enough space between my toe bones for my nerves. When I run it builds up fibrous tissue around my nerves. That lack of space and extra tissue causes the pain. Yesterday I got orthotics put in to my new running shoes. In 20 mins I am headed out to run more than 3 miles for the first time in a month. I have to run 13 miles in a month. To say that I am scared is an understatement. I am terrified. I realized something today as I got dressed to go out. I cam only do today's workout today. I can't do tomorrow's workout or the next days. I can't do a months worth of work today. I can only run today's miles today and pray to be able to run tomorrow's miles tomorrow.

An Open Letter to My Daughter.

You are not powerless in any relationship. You ALWAYS have choices you can make that will change your life. You are never stuck anywhere. You choose to stay or go. No one makes you feel one way or another, you get to chose how your emotions respond in any situation. Do not believe the lie that you are a powerless to change your life. God, the most powerful being in existence, chose to send his Son for you. So that you could have the chance at a life without limits. God chose to love you in the most scandalous way possible. He loves you completely before you even have the chance to choose wether you will love him back. Think long and hard about loving God. It is not always easy to love God. Not everyone will agree with your choice to do it. But you do have this choice to make one day when you are ready.

The Return of a Long Lost

It's been awhile, I could apologize profusely or simply just try to do better. Last post march 2012. So much is different since then. Here's point form Moved from Canada to Louisiana USA. In the middle of the moving process we found out we would be a family of four and Mac was born January 4th of 2013. I began working as youth director in my church here in rural Louisiana. I could blog for DAYS WEEKS MONTHS on the differences between Louisiana and canada but I wanted this blog post to be about home. Having just returned from Christmas in Canada with lots of snow, family, friends the idea of home is on my mind. People in Canada asked if I was glad to be home. Many of my friends in Louisiana asked if I enjoyed going home for Christmas. the truth is home is a puzzle I have not completely solved yet. I no longer live in Canada although I will always long to be there. I live here in the US. The problem lies that since moving here I've changed and my family and friends have changed in Canada so I don't really belong there anymore. To my Canadian family and friends I'm different. I don't fit in. Here in the US I am in much the same situation. I will always be Canadian in many ways and an outsider. As welcoming and kind as most Americans are I am still not one of them. Of course as many of those who know me would attest I have almost never fit in anywhere and I usually revel in the idea that I am undefinable. A missionary once spoke to our church about how their kids were Canadian but grew up in Africa so they never quite fit in either place. She called them third culture kids. I like that idea. I get to create my own culture without boundaries. It is freeing,it feels like home.